Player Profiles

Tom Bequette (P): Some say this pitcher is a soft-throwing Jenny Finch. He combines the accuracy of Charlie Hough with the player/manager versatility of Frank Robinson.

Joe Byers (1B): This first baseman won the Comeback Player of the Year award in 2007. While he doesn't have the speed or fielding abilities of Nick Punto, he has 75% of his tenacity. Neep Neep!

Mike Gabbert (2B/C): This versatile second baseman is as quick on the basepaths as he is with a smarmy comeback. Due to his aversion to balls flying at him, he occasionally plays catcher. He swings with the recklessness of Vlad Guerrero, though Mike has none of his power.

Colin McCarty (2B/C): He lives for turning two. This second baseman is the undisputed team leader in linear-feet-spent-sliding-into-a-base.

Jake Peters (3B): Team MVP of the '07 campaign, this slugger is found at the hot corner. He is usually among the team leaders in batting average and homeruns, however he has yet refute the allegations that he is on both the cream and the clear.

Chris Larson (SS): "The Griddler" is as consistent on the field as he is with the bat. He plays with the fire of Robin Ventura, but is as easily rattled as Bill Buckner.

Tom Jacobsen (LF): Our left fielder is not afraid to show off the gun, although if it rains the gun has been known to shoot its bullet into out-of-play foliage.

Bob Mack (LCF): Between making dandy catches in the outfield, Bob enjoys picking dandelions. Throughout the season he weaves a dandelion necklace, and secretly gives it to his manager at the end of the year.

Cooper Mitchell (RCF): This "dentite" has the speed and power of Jose Reyes, but none of his skin pigmentation.

Derek Weinberger (RF/C): Our resident wild child, Derek Weinberger has a leg kick reminiscent of Kirby Puckett. He is identical to Ichiro, minus the speed, stature, and country of origin. He combines the power of Richie Sexson with the batting average of Richie Sexson.

Brent Wiessner (RF/C): "Cheeze" is the newest addition to our regular 11-man roster. He can handle any position (that's what she said). He eats a meatball sub real damn fast!

Drew Johnson (UTIL): Drew usually spends his leisure time playing two games of online poker at once. When he's not doing that, he's playing three games of online poker at once. He'll gladly fill in for the squad when someone can't make it, as long as we feed him beer afterwards.

Chris Emery (RP/UTIL): When "Woodpond" first stepped on to the mound in '07 relief, his height and dirty stuff drew comparisons to Randy Johnson. He's from Indiana, so he'll eventually grow Randy's dirty moustache and mullet.