Breaking News

3-Time Wild Turkey MVP Jake Peters has just retired from the team. Here's a statement he just released:

Gentlemen, I'd like to take this opportunity to officially announce my retirement from the Wild Turkeys softball team. It is a decision I have wrestled months with, and it is with terrific sadness that I write this today. Recently, my agent and I officially accepted an offer in Rochester and I can see no realistic way to continue my career with the Turkeys. The Wild Turkeys have always been about hard work, gritty determination leaving everything on the field. For me to continue at anything less than 100% would violate the fundamental tenets of being a Wild Turkey. I could not have asked for a more competitive, and often times drunk, venue to exercise my three year rookie contract. Turkey Nation has been good to me and I will not soon forget the nacho challenges, beer slamming, and oh yeah the softball. I wish nothing but the best for my teammates in the future. Thank you, and beat the (heck) out of Ballz Deep and Dead Money this year.

Jake Peters 3B


This has been a shocking day indeed. In other news, the Turkeys have already signed a replacement. Adam "McFrog" Armstrong will be taking Jake's roster spot and will assume 3B duties for the time being. Look for a position shakedown to occur within the next few weeks.

Opening Day Musings

I awoke at 7 AM, despite having no class or work until 4:30 PM, which I am skipping so I can drink beers in the parking lot. I couldn't sleep because today is like Third Christmas. (First Christmas = fantasy football draft day; Second Christmas = fantasy baseball draft day; Fourth Christmas = Christmas)

BYOB to the parking lot party, which starts around 5:45. Here is your opening day lineup:

1. Tom B- P
2. Tom J- OF
3. Larson- SS
4. Jake- 3B
5. Brent- 1B
6. Joe- OF
7. Colin- 2B
8. Derek- OF
9. Rookiepond- OF
10. Mike's sub- C

Opening Day Haiku

Yearning not quenched with
Winter's worth of scotch and beer
I am whole again


Feel free to leave your own beautiful haiku in the comments

Career Stats

Welcome Back

Spring is finally upon us. Birds are fornicating with bees, Miken bats are being purchased amid a financial crisis, and the Wild Turkeys have come out of hibernation.

Our season begins a week from tomorrow with an exhibition game against the not-so-fearsome Silver Bullets. It should give us a chance to shake off some of the rust, break in the new Miken NRG 600 Pro Series bat, and drink Busch Lights in a parking lot while hiding from the MPD.

It feels good to post again. I have some content planned for the early days of the season, including updated career stats, an introduction of a new starting Turkey, and our very first Hall of Fame ballot.

See you at Park T on the 21st.

Jake got Hitched!!

YEEEEEHAWWWWWWW!!!!

Baby on Board!

The latest news in the blogosphere is that Bob Mack is now an expecting father. His wife and he recently broke the news at a press conference. By a press conference, I mean I was drinking with Colin last week and I think he told me. Either way, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!! Unless you were drinking with Colin and I last week.

This potentially makes Bob the first father in Wild Turkey history.

It automatically makes Bob the most responsible Turkey. Here is a list of creatures I could not properly take care of:
-human child
-dog
-tropical fish
-plant
-flu virus

Congratulations to Bob and his blushing bride. If the child is a male, his future Turkey training will begin immediately by giving him one beer a day, which will eventually be expanded to two, and three, and so forth. Plus, I believe that is common practice in Bemidji anyway.