Turkeys Win! Turkeys Win!

The Turkeys finished off an 8-2 season by beating the Goobers, 17-5. The win tied them with Ballz Deep and Big 10 Silver at the top of the standings, but with the tie-breakers, the Turkeys are named league champs for the first time in their short history.

The Turkeys are following this championship up with a post-season tournament that takes place next Tuesday and Wednesday in Minnetonka. Look for the Turkeys to make a run to the finals on the heels of this game.

Final Fall Stats

Wild Turkey Collapse

The Wild Turkeys have turned into the Mets of recent years, as they've collapsed down the stretch and lost their last 2 games. Two weeks ago, their offense didn't show up in a 6-5 loss to second place Big 10 Silver.

This week, the Turkeys lost to some Christians. More specifically, Christ Presbyterian Church. Jesus Christ, it was a bad performance. While the offense managed to put up a respectable amount of runs (13), and the defense committed few errors, the Turkeys still couldn't put together a win. CPC scored 8 runs in the first inning and 10 in the last, mostly off of lazy fly balls that barely made it to the outfield and grounders up the middle and in between third base and shortstop. It was clear that the Eleventh Man was on their side. It was not meant to be.

This leaves the Turkeys at 7-2 and in a tie for first place (presumably). If we win next week, the tie-break scenario could be tricky, because we beat Ballz Deep and Doublewide Express, but lost to Big 10 Silver. We'll just have to win next week and keep our fingers crossed that the tie-breaker is something more than a coin flip.

In other news, the Turkeys registered for a one-pitch tournament on September 29 and 30.

Keep the Turkeys in your thoughts and prayers during this trying week.

Updated Stats

Standings

Updated Stats

Stats

Season Update

The Turkeys won their most recent game over the bottom-dwelling Mainstreeters, 8-3. We played flawless defense and held on to the win despite less-than-impressive batting. Mainstreet scored their runs on five hits up the middle, with the last one connecting with SP Tom Bequette's shin bone, which is connected to his thigh bone.

More importantly, the Turkeys can clinch their first outright league title on Tuesday with a win against Big 10 Silver. The Turkeys enjoy a 2 game lead with 3 games to play, so a win on Tuesday or wins the two weeks after would guarantee them the outright title.

Standings

Stats

Updated Stats

Turkeys Win Again

The Turkeys spent the three and a half hours prior to Tuesday's game reviewing tape, talking strategy, and mentally preparing for their upcoming showdown with Doublewide Xpress. The Turkeys fielded an unusual outfield with Derek, Tom J, Mike, and Joe from left to right. However, it worked out in the end, as the Turkeys held Doublewide Xpress scoreless after the second inning in their 16-8 victory. The Turkeys are now 4-0 and in first place in the 12 team league.

Fall Standings

Updated Stats

Turkeys Cruise to 2-0; Joe Gets Thrown Out

In the first game of the fall season, the Turkeys ten-runned their friendly rivals, Alliance Rent a Car. The Turkeys hit better than they did all summer long, and the hot bats continued in the second game against Bushwood CC. However, things came unglued as Joe lost his temper.




In the third inning, Joe smashed one to left-center field and the outfielder made a great play by knocking the ball straight in the air. As it came down, he made another great play by sticking with it and making the catch. Joe thought that it hit the top of the fence, and when the ump called him out, Joe became violent and enraged. I didn't know such venom could come from our normally graceful and soft-spoken leadoff hitter. He unleashed not one, BUT TWO, curse words directed at the umpire. And the second one came after he was warned! Goll!

The umpire experienced the greatest moment of his weird, mustachioed life when he dramatically threw Joe out of the game. YERRRRRR OUUTTTA HEEEERE! "I can't wait to tell my wife about that one," he thought to himself after the game as he flexed in front of the bathroom mirror.

So Joe not only had to leave the game, but he had to go to the parking lot for the rest of the game. Being the me-first player he is, he just decided to "screw it" and drive home at that point.

The Turkeys humbly shrugged off the unfortunateness and won the second game, 16-6.

The umpire is giving his side of the story to those big shots at the league office. Let's hope they show some mercy and let Joe get away with a suspension of less than 50 games.

Week 1 Stats

Joe

Yerrrrrr outta heeeeeeeere!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Spring Season Recap and Fall Preview

Clearly the spring season didn't go as planned. We finished in 5th place in the league and lost our first two playoff games. We sucked frequently and thoroughly and everyone on the team was disappointed.

The fall season is right around the corner and the new-look Turkeys are excited to take the field with a fresh start and some classy new uni's and hats. In addition, I'll start posting using a new email option where I can make blog posts during games via email. Look for some new action shots and in-game coach's reactions. All this and more awaits you on the Turkey blog this fall!

Career Stats

Final Summer Stats

First Round Recap

The Turkeys now find themselves in the loser's bracket after falling to Ballz Deep, 13-9. It was a tightly contested game throughout, but the Turkeys couldn't find last week's magic and string hits together.

In other news, Dead Money lost to the Silver Bullets in a shocker. This leaves the top 2 seeds from last year battling for their playoff lives in an elimination game on Tuesday. The Turkeys are looking to avenge two previous defeats and send Dead Money and their orange banner home early.

Stats

UPDATE: New Playoff Bracket

Turkeys Sweep Doubleheader

The Turkeys shocked the recreational sporting world by winning two games on Tuesday night. The Turkeys showed solid defense and sufficient offense in beating Elite Exteriors 15-3 in the first game. The second game was against the second-place Dirty Grizzlies. The second inning was a throwback to Turkeys' years past, as they batted around and 13 runs crossed the plate. However, the Grizz have a strong offense, and took a 26-25 lead going into the bottom of the 7th. The Turkeys had a man on first with two outs, but strung together two hits, followed by a walk (intentional?) to score the tying run. With the bases loaded, Tom J hit a hard grounder to the 2nd baseman, but he couldn't handle it. Turkeys win! Turkeys win!

It's just the momentum the team needs heading into the playoffs next week. Stay tuned for the playoff schedule.

Final Regular Season Standings

Stats

Wild Turkey Double-Fail

Pictured below: The Turkeys had to battle hordes of gnats in their game against the Silver Bullets.





The Wild Turkeys hit the low point in franchise history last night when they lost to the Silver Bullets, 6-4. There isn't a lot to say about the game except that we scored 4 runs in 7 innings against the worst team in the league.

Things became a little bit more fun at the Park Tavern afterwards. In the first Nacho Challenge attempt in more than a year, Woodpond attempted to become the 11th player in Turkey history to join the club. He cruised through the first 90% with little hesitation. With a little more than two big bites left, he started to hit the wall, and he had to go outside for some fresh air.

Pictured below: Paparazzi snag a photo of Woodpond catching his breath and dry-heaving in the PT parking lot.



Woodpond returned in worse shape than when he left. He stared at his nachos for a few minutes while the rest of the team reminded him that everyone has passed the challenge except for Brent. He was even receiving inspirational text messages from ex-Turkeys.





In the end, Brent the Frow-Up Cat got in his head and Woodpond lost the mental battle, throwing in the towel. He managed to hold in the 15/16 nacho portion that was in his stomach until later on, where he found relief in some grass. The photographic evidence is available but I declined to post it on this family-friendly site.

So, Woodpond became the second person to fail the Nacho Challenge, but he has two attempts left. Will he step up before the end of the fall season? Brent the Frow-Up Cat hopes not.

Stats

Season Update

At 5-7, the Turkeys are in the midst of a 3 game losing streak after gaining some hope early on in the season. The bats have managed to cool off even more after it was thought impossible to hit any worse than we were. Our latest defeat came at the hands of Alliance Car Rental, 8-7. However, the Turkeys look to turn it on at the end of the season with games against the Silver Bullets, Elite Exteriors, and the Dirty Grizzlies before the playoffs start.

Clearly the team's poor play has affected the attendance. The Turkeys are drawing 1.5 fans per game, down from 12 fans a game two years ago. Will there be a fan appreciation night this year? maybeso

Updated Stats

Stats

League Standings

Stats

Turkeys Pitcher Gets Sweet Tribal Armband Tat

Pretty cool, isn't it?

In addition to Tom being drilled in the arm and shin during the Schooner Days tournament, Larson pulled one of his gams and will be questionable for Tuesday's game.

Updated Stats

Check Out My New Range Rover

Hey guys- it's me. Check out the new Range. I call it the Rage Rover- because I like to drive it real fast between Andro cycles.








Anyways, I noticed the Turkeys are starting to come together at the right time. It's a combination of hitting and--- hold on... MAAAA! MA!!! WE'RE OUT OF MUSCLE MILK MA!!!!!--- sorry, as I was saying, it's been a combination of hitting and solid defense. It looks like this season won't be written off just yet, as you're only a game and a half out of first place. Keep it up and you'll have front row seats to the gun show in the playoffs. FRONT ROW BENCH SEATS!!!

League Standings

Updated Stats

Updated Stats

Turkeys Split Doubleheader

Record: 2-3

Last Tuesday, the Turkeys faced off with their league and blog rivals on the first half of a doubleheader. WT had an 8-1, but a few hits and some spotty defense allowed them to get back in the game. The Turkey bats went cold, and they ended up losing 12-8 in 7 innings.

The second half of the doubleheader was a different story. The Silver Bullets were no match for the Turkeys, as we won 17-4 in 5 innings. The Turkeys improved their record to 2-3 and are looking to catch a spark, because it looks like it's anybody's league this year.

Season Update

Record: 1-2

I've been lazy with the blog because I'm no longer working. Work means sitting around with nothing better to do than make up stories that ten people will read. However, I'm now committed to bringing you the mediocrity that you have come to expect over the past year on a more frequent basis.

The first game of the season was a disappointment. Our defense was full of holes, and we let up 24 runs over just 4 innings, and ended up losing 24-10 after the ten-run rule.

The second game, against Ballz Deep, was the strangest softball game I've ever been a part of. Final score... 3-2, Turkeys. It was a pitchers duel all the way.

Our third game, against another new team, ended poorly. We only scored 5 runs, and they all came in one inning, as we lost 14-5.

The bright side to our poor start is that we beat Ballz Deep and we know we're capable of beating the other two teams we played. On the other hand, we're hitting like a co-ed team.

We have a doubleheader tomorrow night at 6 and 8 against Dead Money and Silver Bullets. We should be able to win one of those. I'll let you, the fans, guess which one that is.

Updated Stats

Season Stats

Exhibition Game Recap

The Turkeys handled the Silver Bullets with ease, 14-4. The bats started off a little bit slow, but that's to be expected because our treasured batting cages closed for business. The two rookies, Adam and Woodpond, produced stellar performances in their bids for the first Wild Turkey Rookie of the Year award.

More importantly, we became reacquainted with the parking lot drinking scene and enjoyed a fine evening at Park Tavern.

About half of the Turkeys will be in Brainerd this weekend perfecting their golfing skills in rainy, mid-40's temperatures.

See you on Tuesday night for the beginning of the regular season.

Week 1 Stats

Breaking News

3-Time Wild Turkey MVP Jake Peters has just retired from the team. Here's a statement he just released:

Gentlemen, I'd like to take this opportunity to officially announce my retirement from the Wild Turkeys softball team. It is a decision I have wrestled months with, and it is with terrific sadness that I write this today. Recently, my agent and I officially accepted an offer in Rochester and I can see no realistic way to continue my career with the Turkeys. The Wild Turkeys have always been about hard work, gritty determination leaving everything on the field. For me to continue at anything less than 100% would violate the fundamental tenets of being a Wild Turkey. I could not have asked for a more competitive, and often times drunk, venue to exercise my three year rookie contract. Turkey Nation has been good to me and I will not soon forget the nacho challenges, beer slamming, and oh yeah the softball. I wish nothing but the best for my teammates in the future. Thank you, and beat the (heck) out of Ballz Deep and Dead Money this year.

Jake Peters 3B


This has been a shocking day indeed. In other news, the Turkeys have already signed a replacement. Adam "McFrog" Armstrong will be taking Jake's roster spot and will assume 3B duties for the time being. Look for a position shakedown to occur within the next few weeks.

Opening Day Musings

I awoke at 7 AM, despite having no class or work until 4:30 PM, which I am skipping so I can drink beers in the parking lot. I couldn't sleep because today is like Third Christmas. (First Christmas = fantasy football draft day; Second Christmas = fantasy baseball draft day; Fourth Christmas = Christmas)

BYOB to the parking lot party, which starts around 5:45. Here is your opening day lineup:

1. Tom B- P
2. Tom J- OF
3. Larson- SS
4. Jake- 3B
5. Brent- 1B
6. Joe- OF
7. Colin- 2B
8. Derek- OF
9. Rookiepond- OF
10. Mike's sub- C

Opening Day Haiku

Yearning not quenched with
Winter's worth of scotch and beer
I am whole again


Feel free to leave your own beautiful haiku in the comments

Career Stats

Welcome Back

Spring is finally upon us. Birds are fornicating with bees, Miken bats are being purchased amid a financial crisis, and the Wild Turkeys have come out of hibernation.

Our season begins a week from tomorrow with an exhibition game against the not-so-fearsome Silver Bullets. It should give us a chance to shake off some of the rust, break in the new Miken NRG 600 Pro Series bat, and drink Busch Lights in a parking lot while hiding from the MPD.

It feels good to post again. I have some content planned for the early days of the season, including updated career stats, an introduction of a new starting Turkey, and our very first Hall of Fame ballot.

See you at Park T on the 21st.

Jake got Hitched!!

YEEEEEHAWWWWWWW!!!!

Baby on Board!

The latest news in the blogosphere is that Bob Mack is now an expecting father. His wife and he recently broke the news at a press conference. By a press conference, I mean I was drinking with Colin last week and I think he told me. Either way, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!! Unless you were drinking with Colin and I last week.

This potentially makes Bob the first father in Wild Turkey history.

It automatically makes Bob the most responsible Turkey. Here is a list of creatures I could not properly take care of:
-human child
-dog
-tropical fish
-plant
-flu virus

Congratulations to Bob and his blushing bride. If the child is a male, his future Turkey training will begin immediately by giving him one beer a day, which will eventually be expanded to two, and three, and so forth. Plus, I believe that is common practice in Bemidji anyway.